modernistwitchery said: recently i have been looking harassers in the eye and just saying ‘no.’ or ‘fuck off.’ (if i feel safe enough to do so, that is.)
you’re totally right. even if you don’t say anything it can be super unnerving to look people in the eye when they don’t expect you to.
brainguts said: something i do in those situations is put my finger in my nose and just keep walking, usually it freaks men out so much they turn around and dont look at me again. anything blatantly “unladylike” always seems to freak a-holes out
fuck yeah! love this. i wish i could belch on command.
youarenotyou said: what brainguts said. also flashing my hairy pits since they are visible a mile away… that almost always stops the gross sexual objectifying stares, although then it invites a totally different chain of reactions…
it’s not warm enough for that yet, but that’s DEFINITELY a tactic i have employed in the past. usually more effective for one on one situations i find.
giraffegiraf said: i don’t have the energy to interact so i distort my face like i’m just about to vomit or like a friend does: just stop everything, stand still, and look them dead in the eye till they feel uncomfortable
i’m going to try this one today.
i tend to think i can deal with harassment pretty well, but lately i’ve been realizing how i’m “out of practice.” i was telling morgan while visiting her in kelowna how i was so not used to strangers (of all kinds, but mostly middle-aged white suburban folks) saying hello and/or waving to me, because there is a strange culture of pretending to not even look at strangers in quebec city.
but now that winter is over construction crews are everywhere in my old beautiful - but crumbling - neighbourhood. two roads i walk on pretty much every day are being dug up. the apartment underneath ours has had two awkward teenage boys taking apart everything for the past three months, but now it’s speeding up since the weather is warm. they are literally jackhammering the floor right now.
to make matters even worse, the apartments to the right AND behind ours are being dismantled. so basically now that i actually step back and think of it, i have to interact with about twenty different men who don’t know me on a semi-regular basis. who think talking about a woman they don’t know who is within earshot in a sexual manner is totally okay.
anyone have tips on how to deal with these sorts of unwanted interactions?
so many people recommend just not engaging, but it’s not really an option when i cross paths with these people every other day. i cannot fucking fake it and will not be nice to people who just call me “belle fille” and i correct them and say “FEMME.” don’t fucking think you can call me girl.
i hear them whisper as i take out my bike from the shed. i see them fucking point. and i always assume the worst and wish i didn’t have to deal with it.
i was thinking about why it pisses me off in this context. i don’t mind if someone walking past me on the street smiles at me and says hello, but it’s more the two-three men or more sitting and all watching me that makes me feel uncomfortable, as if i’m not in control of the situation. i don’t know.
thinking about writing out how riding my bike makes me feel invincible, or at least like a really fucking great weapon against harassment. something about the speed, about being even higher up and taller, and showing that i’m strong? i don’t know. trying to understand it.
i feel like i need way more separation/distance between who i perform online and who i am in real life.
i’m constantly incredibly embarassed and uncomfortable when people i know in real life tell me they read my blog, or worse, follow my tumblr. it’s different from the days my roommates and i would be livejournal friends. a co-worker just followed me on twitter and i’m mildly terrified they might want to talk to me about some of the shit i post there in real life?
these negotiations are more complex and important than people acknowledge.
also, i’m doing well at my whole not being on the computer on weekends. we’ll see how my restraints hold up when work tapers off for the next few weeks…
"In times where fashion blogging seems to be conforming to mainstream, whitewashed world that fashion magazines have depicted for years, your push back at the problematic practices of fashion blogging is refreshing."
— jroselkim, the first comment on my kickaction blog about why the way you dress reflects your beliefs made me really happy. i’m currently working on/hacking away at a slightly long-term series deconstructing some of the (many) problems with fashion bloggers, and it’s really really hard. getting encouraging comments and notes like these makes such a huge difference, though. i don’t know if my readers truly understand how important they are to me. i’m totally spoiled.
I TOTALLY FUCKING LOVE ART
IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY
(this is because i have been to three museums in the last two weeks, saw some gorgeous edward steichen photographs, and just found out julie fucking doucet is in quebec city this friday omg how i am going to contain myself)