[Image: Excerpt from Doris zine. Typewritten words on a white background.]
Friendship should not be a way to pass the time, a way to kill time, a distraction. Friendship should be a beginning place for the revolution.
Prioritize friendship. don’t get sucked into the isolation of just being a couple of wanting just truloveonepersontoreallyunderstandyou. don’t force someone to be monogamous, don’t force someone to be non-monogamous. If your loved one is sick or hurting so bad, prioritize them. Know the difference between self-righteous politics and a politic of compassion and love. But prioritize friendships. Talk to your friends about your hopes and dreams and fears and secrets that you usually save for your lover. Let them close to you. Commit yourself to them. Move to maintain friendships, not just to maintain relationships.
Fixed the source. If you take credit for words & creations that aren’t yours, you’re a douchebag and you need to exit the internet immediately.
Long Term Relationship
ink on paper
(The first time i showed this drawing was in a gallery on queen st. w. and on the last day of the exhibit a very sweet couple in their 80’s were peering through the sidewalk window, arguing about something, but i couldn’t hear. After a few minutes they came barging in the gallery and walked straight to this piece. And yelled at each at each either, debating about the relationship between this couple. I listened and leaned in, passively suggesting I was available for input (as the artist) but they didn’t even notice my pathetic attempt to advise and so, I reclined back into my chair and went back to drinking my cider I had not so secretly poured into a water bottle. They stayed for about 15 minutes yelling at each other about the piece, barley looked at the other drawings and left. That’s why I like this drawing. This drawing was later sold as a wedding present).
i don’t know which i love more: the drawing, or the story behind it.
Vintage photographs of lesbian couples.
Vintage pride, so amazing.
I’ve reblogged most if not all of these photos before, but they’re too lovely to not reblog again.
i can get behind the message of this, but the fact that these are posted without credit, context, dates, not to mention under the headline “vintage photographs of lesbian couples” kind of irks me.
credit from what i know:
- La Grosse Claude et son amie, au “Monocle” by Brassaï (from his “ladies at the monocle” series in the 1930s)
- Tango in the east end (1954) by Thurston Hopkins
- At first I thought this was part of Deborah Bright’s Dream Girls series but I can’t find any credit/source on it.
i can’t find sources on any of the other images. i understand the desire to find images that speak to us and our realities in the past, but i feel like it unfair to ourselves and to the artists who took these photographs to erase the real stories behind them. aside from the bottom photo (which i’m pretty sure is just of models hired by a saucy photographer) these look like photographs of real people with real lives. i think it’s important to do justice to that. …and this is all without talking about how shitty it is that even though these images are beautiful, they are all still pretty resoundingly of conventionally “beautiful” white folks. sadly another instance of even queered images reproducing dominant norms.
also it makes me want to dig up an old article i wrote about queering images that aren’t necessarily queer…
“One of my goals in thinking about redefining the way we view relationships is to try to treat the people I date more like I treat my friends—try to be respectful and thoughtful and have boundaries and reasonable expectations—and to try to treat my friends more like my dates—to give them special attention, honor my commitments to them, be consistent, and invest deeply in our futures together.”
Dean Spade (For Lovers and Fighters)
this is a hard thing to aspire to, but something i try to do.
(via: negativepunxvxpts - An excerpt from Infinite Relationships)
well said. I need to break down the hierarchies in my friendships. Trib will ALWAYS be my girl though. :D But I’ve had so many beautiful friendships. I can wait for the others i will encounter. I’ve had this then where I will generally choose not to pursue a relationship with a friend out of being afraid of what it will eventually do to the friendship… one that was already good.
But I’ve had more than a few friendship where the lines could’ve been shaky between friendship and lovers… minus the sex.
Lately I’ve been seriously questioning my interest in monogamy, because I see so many monogamous relationships that feel unhealthy (to me) and rely on jealousy, co-dependency, and control. I don’t want that. And, this may sound selfish, but I hate the feeling that my closest friends would ignore me in a time of need for someone they were ‘romantically’ involved with/interested in; and that I might ignore my closest friends in their time of need for the same reason. I want to love the people in my life and let them know how much I care about them and what I would do to make them happy…but I feel like I hold back because that love is so often interpreted by the other person as me ‘liking’ them or having expectations of a ‘romantic’ relationship with them.
i’ve had a lot of thoughts about breaking down this divide between lovers and between friends. i thought a lot about the frase “treat your friends like lovers and yr lovers like friends” and i thought long and hard about how that idea that people who are considred lovrs are the ~special one~ could be disrupted by breaking down the differences i considred betwen friends and lovers. i don’t think i’ve come to any conclusion about how to really engage with that idea. i tried to think of the people that i liked as my friends but then i got to the point where i realized that i treated a lot of my friends like dates and special people (because they are) but i realized that the way that i treated people that i liked and my friends was unhealthy for my own self-care and functioning. i don’t like to have crushes on people because i find that i constantly set aside time, that i don’t have, for them. in cases with friends, i know my boundaries and am pretty good with setting them.
it’s still hard. i still am trying to figure out how to break down my ideas about love and friendships, about dates and relationships.. etc etc. i found that with the last person that i was casually seeing that we had a lot of trouble discussing where we thought the relationship was happening. i think that it was a difference in communication and understanding of relationships but one of the things that i noticed about the words that we used was the difference in expectations in each word. she thought of something different when i mentioned the word dating. i think even realizing this that we differed in understanding broke down a lot of things because dating does mean different things for a lot of people. …
more thoughts on this later…