i think i need a break. i’m glad friends have been coming to visit often this summer because it’s been helping me step back. this week, particularly, i’m finding myself hating where i live. hating the way the politicians talk, hating how little they represent me or any of the amazing people i’ve gotten to know in this province. hating the diatribes, the discussions i overhear at bars. finding solace in angry emails to friends but that’s not enough. feeling sharper, in some ways, able to cut through the bullshit in ways i haven’t been able to in earlier election campaigns… but most of the feelings are bad.
often, i find going online helps when i’m in these kinds of situations, but lately it’s been hindering. i unfollowed a lot of people, not because i dislike them or what they post, but because of how it makes me feel. jealous is the only word for it.
a selection of the particularly jealousy inducing moments i’ve had this week:
oh, they’re going to femme conference? i wish!
omg everyone went to sappyfest… i wish i could have gone.
oh, look at those badass folks at the dyke march in mtl… i wish i could have been there…
if i had more of a social circle of my own offline it would be different. i know this shit comes in waves but right now i’m real lonely and diving headfirst into intense overworking mode because it’s easier than looking around and changing the habits i’ve formed. i cocoon, and that’s okay. trying to remind myself of the rules i set up for myself. trying to put pen to paper more often.