(via: negativepunxvxpts - An excerpt from Infinite Relationships)
well said. I need to break down the hierarchies in my friendships. Trib will ALWAYS be my girl though. :D But I’ve had so many beautiful friendships. I can wait for the others i will encounter. I’ve had this then where I will generally choose not to pursue a relationship with a friend out of being afraid of what it will eventually do to the friendship… one that was already good.
But I’ve had more than a few friendship where the lines could’ve been shaky between friendship and lovers… minus the sex.
Lately I’ve been seriously questioning my interest in monogamy, because I see so many monogamous relationships that feel unhealthy (to me) and rely on jealousy, co-dependency, and control. I don’t want that. And, this may sound selfish, but I hate the feeling that my closest friends would ignore me in a time of need for someone they were ‘romantically’ involved with/interested in; and that I might ignore my closest friends in their time of need for the same reason. I want to love the people in my life and let them know how much I care about them and what I would do to make them happy…but I feel like I hold back because that love is so often interpreted by the other person as me ‘liking’ them or having expectations of a ‘romantic’ relationship with them.
i’ve had a lot of thoughts about breaking down this divide between lovers and between friends. i thought a lot about the frase “treat your friends like lovers and yr lovers like friends” and i thought long and hard about how that idea that people who are considred lovrs are the ~special one~ could be disrupted by breaking down the differences i considred betwen friends and lovers. i don’t think i’ve come to any conclusion about how to really engage with that idea. i tried to think of the people that i liked as my friends but then i got to the point where i realized that i treated a lot of my friends like dates and special people (because they are) but i realized that the way that i treated people that i liked and my friends was unhealthy for my own self-care and functioning. i don’t like to have crushes on people because i find that i constantly set aside time, that i don’t have, for them. in cases with friends, i know my boundaries and am pretty good with setting them.
it’s still hard. i still am trying to figure out how to break down my ideas about love and friendships, about dates and relationships.. etc etc. i found that with the last person that i was casually seeing that we had a lot of trouble discussing where we thought the relationship was happening. i think that it was a difference in communication and understanding of relationships but one of the things that i noticed about the words that we used was the difference in expectations in each word. she thought of something different when i mentioned the word dating. i think even realizing this that we differed in understanding broke down a lot of things because dating does mean different things for a lot of people. …
more thoughts on this later…