August 2011
asking the internet for advice #43254
1.
do you prefer these black ones or these tortoiseshell ones?
2.
i’ve never had black glasses before because brown suits my skin tone well, but i’ve always wanted them… but i KNOW tortoiseshell looks good. hrm.
i guess what i’m really asking is… which ones are more effective for a “naughty librarian” look?
i also LOVE these ones but i don’t think they are included in the sale…
(supposedly these will be free minus shipping & handling? in canada today?)
“We all run from the ugly. And the farther we run from it, the more we stigmatize it and the more power we give beauty. Our communities are obsessed with being beautiful and gorgeous and hot. What would it mean if we were ugly? What would it mean if we didn’t run from our own ugliness or each other’s? How do we take the sting out of “ugly?” What would it mean to acknowledge our ugliness for all it has given us, how it has shaped our brilliance and taught us about how we never want to make anyone else feel? What would it take for us to be able to risk being ugly, in whatever that means for us. What would happen if we stopped apologizing for our ugly, stopped being ashamed of it? What if we let go of being beautiful, stopped chasing “pretty,” stopped sucking in and shrinking and spending enormous amounts of money and time on things that don’t make us magnificent?
(…)
If we are ever unsure about what femme should be or how to be femme, we must move toward the ugly. Not just the ugly in ourselves, but the people and communities that are ugly, undesirable, unwanted, disposable, hidden, displaced. This is the only way that we will ever create a femme-ness that can hold physically disabled folks, dark skinned people, trans and gender non-conforming folks, poor and working class folks, HIV positive folks, people living in the global south and so many more of us who are the freaks, monsters, criminals, villains of our fairytales, movies, news stories, neighborhoods and world. This is our work as femmes of color: to take the notion of beauty (and most importantly the value placed upon it) and dismantle it (challenge it), not just in gender, but wherever it is being used to harm people, to exclude people, to shame people; as a justification for violence, colonization and genocide.
” —Moving Toward the Ugly: A Politic Beyond Desirability - Mia Mingus (via enumerate)
i’ve talked a lot about this with friends lately, mostly in direct response to the “everyone is beautiful” message pedaled by a lot of (well-meaning) liberal feminists. this can be used in any number of problematic ways, “you’re not fat, you’re beautiful!” it also serves to deny the fact that we live in a society that:
- constantly reinforces the bullshit idea that a girl/woman’s self-worth lies solely in her appearance
- that projects a “beauty standard” that is unrealistic and unattainable, on top of being racist, cissexist, ableist, classist aaaaand just a wee bit oppressive.
yes, some people find empowerment in “beauty.” but why can’t we reclaim ugly? i love the way mia mingus puts this.
questions on mental illness & personal style:
i’m writing a brief piece for my fanzine about how personal style and mental illness interact, specifically in terms of those of us with ‘invisible disabilities’- if you have a mental illness, how does it affect the way you dress? the questions I’m posing to people are meant to be simple so they can be answered a variety of ways:
1. how would you describe your style & in what ways do you feel your relationship to mental illness manifests itself in the way you dress?
2. and how do you use clothing and appearance manipulation in terms of self care?
everything will be kept anonymous so if you’re willing to answer those questions for me, you can send the responses to my ask box (or if they’re too long, contact me for my email address!)
thanks!!
hey everybody! do this if you want to! it can just be a few casual sentences, and i’m keeping everything anonymous. the purpose of collecting personal accounts from people is to showcase a broad variety of situations, styles, self-care tactics, etc, to be published in a list of testimonials for other people to relate to and be inspired by. i would hate to be the only voice present in this conversation, so please submit!!
SIGNAL BOOST. going to email this to a few friends too.
Ain't born typical: Dos and Don'ts for a Femme →
classycoochie.tumblr.com
I attended the keynote speech from Mia Mingus for this weekends Femme’s of Color Symposium and this is a list I compiled pulled directly from MY experience listening to that speech, a performance piece, and crowd responses. You are under no obligation to agree or disagree with anything below as this is how I am defining my femmeness.
Do cry whenever you want
Don’t over analyze what that means to the point of exhaustion
Do wear as much or as little makeup as you’d like
Don’t worry to much when your mascara smears down your face from tears, sweat, work
Do put yourself in places where many people think you don’t fit
Don’t feel obligated to have to let everyone in to your personal space
Do give thanks and speak the names of those before you who have made your path that much more bearable
Don’t feel obligated to out do anyone’s legacy
Do acknowledge that “femme” was your mother’s, your mother’s mother, and your mother’s mother’s mother
Don’t forget that your femme is yours, now
Do create art
Don’t feel obligated to “color inside the lines”
Do enjoy every curve, roll, hair, mole, scar on your body
Don’t hide any those things because of fear
Do practice conscious breathing to the point of letting every part of your chest and belly and face and whole body puff up and hang
Don’t suck it in Don’t suck it in DONT SUCK IT IN!
Do embrace your ugly, your freak, your weird
Don’t ever let others use your ugly, your freak, your weird as weapons against you
Do fuck up the bullshit that is normal, beautiful, pretty
Don’t ever believe not being those terms by “traditional” standards makes you less than
Do connect with everything around you, your body, your family, your soul
Don’t feel obligated to explain your femme to anyone or to yourself
Do fuck/have sex “femme”
Don’t fuck/ have sex “femme”
Do ask yourself questions as often as possible
Don’t feel obligated to know or have all the answers
Do continue to add or take away from this list
Don’t assume that this list applies to anyone else but you
mia mingus, you’re so rad.
